Leafsong’s Diary 22.3 – In which Leafsong talks of fury and fertility.

I hate rowing with my lifemate. He has many years on me; years of refining and expanding his vocabulary to make his words cut like flechettes, years of honing his anger and his rage to force an opponent into submission. Despite this, he rarely unleashes the full force of his displeasure on me. He exercises restraint, with conscious and visible effort He holds himself in check, though he might clench his fists and gnash his teeth and raise his eyes to Elune.

Last night, he did not hold back his fury and it was horrific. I thought I was going to cry, but I stopped myself, driving my nails into my palms and hoping that the pain would override the fear. It helped, slightly. I made a good show of defying him, though, I am proud of myself. I raised my chin so that we were equals in height, met his amber glare with my own pale gaze. He shouted and raged, while I kept an even temper It helped that I felt a kick from inside my belly, at the outset. It reminded me of the importance of keeping calm.

Some people might say that I deserved my lifemate’s anger, that I was in the wrong. Humans would, dwarves, perhaps. Draenei, most definitely. But my fellow Kaldorei? I’m not sure. It’s a moral dilemma which I do not have the intellect or the patience to contemplate. This is what happened:

I asked my lifemate if he wanted any more children. He replied no, that four was enough. I disagreed, and stated my disappointment, but my acceptance of his decision. I said that, when the time came, I would have to find someone suitable to donate their seed. He flew into the aforementioned rage.

Why? Why? I have the dominion of my own body. To be sure, I wouldn’t want to fall pregnant immediately after the birth of the twins. I’ve had enough of being pregnant, and my body is weary. But he was willing to wait a millenium. I don’t even know what condition our people will be in, in a millenium! I might not be able to have any more children by then. We both might be dead by then! With immortality gone, noone knows how our bodies will respond to the passing of time. And I have come to regard my fecundity as a gift from Elune. Surely, she has not given me great beauty, or great brains, or even great skill – perhaps my fertility is my ‘talent’? Is it not true that I have conceived four times (once ending in sorrow, and once, doubly so) in the space of two years? I know many Kaldorei women who have difficulty even conceiving once. It seems silly to think it, but perhaps my fertility is my gift from the goddess, who has so far seemed to ignore me? Perhaps the Lady saw that our people had become dwindling and mortal, and took pity on us.

Anyway, whatever the case may be, I won’t wait another millennium to have another child. I want to help our people, I want to see the Kaldorei grow and achieve their former glory once more. I don’t want us to live in isolated, ever-shrinking pockets. My lifemate didn’t want to share this goal with me, so he became angry. I didn’t understand then, and I don’t now. It is not as if I want to take another mate. I am happy with the one I have. I just need someone to plant a seed in my- ha!- tilled soil, in a decade or so. Why can’t he see this?

Advertisements

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Aphel said,

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

  2. 2

    Sharaan said,

    >.> Trouble brewing…?


Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: